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zarahjoyce) wrote2009-09-09 07:41 pm
zarahjoyce) wrote2009-09-09 07:41 pm
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I has a cracky Angel Fic
Found it with my old stuff. Man the things I wrote before! Set in Season Two, edited some of it.
Anyway. You dare brave the crack?
The hotel was silent. It seemed as though everybody else was out.
Cordelia looked behind her, making sure that no one was following and that her feet were making soundless steps as she cautiously made her way to the most important room in the hotel: the television room.
She quickened her pace. Okay, so it wasn't just a television room, it’s the television room. AKA the only room in the entire hotel that had the newest colored TV set. The only room in the giant hotel that housed the colored, cable TV.
Cordelia felt her anticipation mounting as she neared the room. One step, two steps, three steps…
And there she was. Inside the room. She quietly closed the door behind her.
She could see the sofa where she would sit. She could see the table where she would rest her newly-painted toes on. She could see the remote control, and Cordelia could swear that her hand was already itching for it.
She smiled. Victory was hers; she could sense it.
At long last! The TV was hers and hers alone!
She was about to grab the remote control when the door behind her suddenly burst open. “Gaaahhhh!” she shrieked in surprise, whirling around to see who the invader was.
It was Wesley. “What in the Good Lord’s name are you doing in here?” he demanded as he closed the door behind him.
“Well hello to you too,” she said sourly, clutching her chest as if the act would surely slow down her heart rate. She crossed her arms and glared at him. “And for your information, I was-“
The door unexpectedly opened again, this time sending both Cordelia and Wesley shrieking to the top of their lungs.
It was Gunn. “What the hell are you two girls doing in here?” he demanded.
“Oh, for crying out loud!” Cordelia exclaimed. She gestured at the TV. “For both of your information, I was going to watch TV-“
“No way, gal, ‘coz I’m watching tonight,” Gunn said. He was going to grab the remote control when Wesley’s smaller but determined form hindered his way. “Dog, don’t make me move you,” he said threateningly.
Wesley snorted, not the least bit threatened. “Heard that line before, but this time it won’t work. Besides, I’m going to watch tonight.”
“And what are you going to watch, huh? Ex-Watcher’s Chronicles?” Cordelia taunted him.
Wesley glared at her, his stand unchanging. “No. I’m going to watch a series on Discovery Channel, because it features-“
“I’m sure it features somethin’ interesting and all, but you see, you ain’t getting the chance to watch it, coz I’d be hoggin’ all the watchin’,” Gunn said smugly. “And believe me, that TV’s not going to pass that channel.”
“Fat chance, Mr. Oh-look-at-me-I’m-all-tall-and-mighty,” Cordelia said. “It’s Calvin Klein’s Fall Collection 2000 on the Lifestyle Channel. There’s no way I would miss that. Besides, what are you going to watch? Naked girls dancing on the beach?”
Gunn glared at her. “I don’t dig naked girls, okay? I’m watchin’ Baywatch Hawaii.”
Cordelia stifled her laughter. “Like I said, naked girls on the beach.”
“At least, it’s still better than watching some dumb ol’ science project with brains here,” Gunn said, referring to Wesley. “I’m sure whatever it is, is as exciting as a bedtime story.”
He straightened his glasses. “It’s not dumb, it’s not old, it’s not even a science project. It’s about the-“
“Don’t bother explaining your boring show, Wes, because I’m going to watch tonight!” Cordelia practically screamed.
“No way! I am!” yelled Wesley.
“No way, I am!” shouted Gunn.
"Okay, what is going on?”
Three heads whipped around at the sound of the newest voice.
"Angel!” Cordelia exclaimed, rushing to the vampire’s side. The two did not miss that satisfied look that appeared on her face as she stood beside Angel, and it worried them. “Tell these two boys whose turn it is to watch TV tonight. Tell them. Why are you not telling them? Don't just stand there, tell them!"
“Um-“
“You can’t be serious, man!” Gunn said loudly, because he sensed that Angel was going to take Cordelia's side - as usual. “It’s Baywatch Hawaii! Lotsa’ cool chicks running on the beach half-naked!”
“I thought you don’t dig naked girls, Gunn?” Wesley asked.
“Shut up!” Gunn snarled.
“Angel,” Wesley reasoned, completely ignoring Gunn beside him. “For once, Discovery Channel is showcasing some of the most important artifacts from Medieval times. It’s the show I’ve been waiting for all my life!”
“Ah-“
“Even more important than Ex-Watchers Chronicle?” Cordelia asked.
“Shut up!” Wesley snarled.
“Angel,” Cordelia said, as she faced him and used her sweetest voice to plead her case. “It’s Calvin Klein’s Fall Collection 2000. It’s, like, the most important wardrobe of the year. It’s like the most important show since clothes were invented! If I can’t wear the clothes, then watching them on TV would have compensated for that!”
“Wait-“
“It’s just a bunch of half-naked models walking around,” Gunn commented. Then, he regarded his words carefully. “Cool. Let’s watch that.“
“Shut up!” Cordelia snarled.
Gunn looked taken aback. “I was supportin’ you, girl!”
“Oh, you were? Sorry,” Cordelia told him.
He shook his head. “No, you already said it. I don’t side with anyone who’s just told me to shut up.”
“Look, I-“
“Okay, everyone, just calm down-“ Angel said in a soothing voice, but Wesley cut him off before he could say more.
“CALM DOWN? The show starts in five minutes! Who calms down five minutes before the most important show in history?”
"Maybe we could work it out-“ Angel tried again, only this time he was stopped by Gunn.
“Yeah, work it out with these two women while I watch NAKED CHICKS!”
“There has to be a way-“
“Way? I’ll show you two the way. I’ll show you two the way OUT so I can watch in peace!” shrieked Cordelia.
“JUST STOP IT!” Angel shouted. “STOP IT, ALL OF YOU!”
Abruptly, the three stopped, not because of fear but because they were startled by his loud, commanding voice.
“Listen to yourselves! Three grown humans fighting over the television set?" Angel lectured them. “I can’t believe all of you have the nerve to act like children!"
Wesley, Gunn and Cordelia each threw a look at the others before lowering their heads in embarrassment.
“Don’t be so melodramatic, Angel,” Cordelia started. When Angel glared at her, she looked away. “It’s just TV,” she said softly.
“My point exactly! It’s just TV! There are a lot of other people out there who have bigger problems than you three have right now!” Angel continued with his rant. “There are a lot of other more important things in this world than… than… television shows! Like the mission. Helping the helpless. Isn't that what we do here? Isn't that what we're here for?”
Cordelia felt her face flame at Angel’s words. She continued to be silent, and stared at the floor.
Wesley could not meet Angel's gaze, and instead listened to his every word.
Gunn shoved his hands inside the pockets of his jeans and shrugged, then joined Cordelia in staring at the floor.
“Now, I want you to go to the lobby and research about the latest demon sighting,” Angel told them. When nobody moved, he added with heavy emphasis, “NOW.”
Moving as one, Wesley, Gunn and Cordelia silently walked out of the room, and down to the lobby without as much as a backward glance.
“Well,” Cordelia said, trying to lighten the mood. “There’s always DVD. I mean, we could just watch it on tape, right?”
“I-I think Medieval Artifacts is indeed available on tape,” Wesley added. “I will probably buy it tomorrow.” He brightened up. “Maybe if the Fall Collection is available, I’ll buy that too.”
“Great!” Cordelia said, giving him a small smile. “Now we could, you know, watch it individually and not fight over TV, coz, you know, Angel’s right and all.”
“I must admit it was rather foolish of us,” Wesley told them. “To fight over the television set like that. It’s… it’s…”
“But what about my Baywatch Hawaii?” Gunn wailed. “I still want to watch it, ya’ know.”
“Oh, I’ll buy you some porn,” Wesley muttered, smiling slyly at Gunn.
The latter glared at him. “I DON’T DIG PORN!”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
Meanwhile, back in the room Angel settled on the couch and turned on the TV, setting it on lowest volume so that no one but him could hear the sounds. Vampiric hearing; one's gotta love having them.
“All right!” he cheered quietly. “Just in time for Gilmore Girls.”
The End
Anyway. You dare brave the crack?
The hotel was silent. It seemed as though everybody else was out.
Cordelia looked behind her, making sure that no one was following and that her feet were making soundless steps as she cautiously made her way to the most important room in the hotel: the television room.
She quickened her pace. Okay, so it wasn't just a television room, it’s the television room. AKA the only room in the entire hotel that had the newest colored TV set. The only room in the giant hotel that housed the colored, cable TV.
Cordelia felt her anticipation mounting as she neared the room. One step, two steps, three steps…
And there she was. Inside the room. She quietly closed the door behind her.
She could see the sofa where she would sit. She could see the table where she would rest her newly-painted toes on. She could see the remote control, and Cordelia could swear that her hand was already itching for it.
She smiled. Victory was hers; she could sense it.
At long last! The TV was hers and hers alone!
She was about to grab the remote control when the door behind her suddenly burst open. “Gaaahhhh!” she shrieked in surprise, whirling around to see who the invader was.
It was Wesley. “What in the Good Lord’s name are you doing in here?” he demanded as he closed the door behind him.
“Well hello to you too,” she said sourly, clutching her chest as if the act would surely slow down her heart rate. She crossed her arms and glared at him. “And for your information, I was-“
The door unexpectedly opened again, this time sending both Cordelia and Wesley shrieking to the top of their lungs.
It was Gunn. “What the hell are you two girls doing in here?” he demanded.
“Oh, for crying out loud!” Cordelia exclaimed. She gestured at the TV. “For both of your information, I was going to watch TV-“
“No way, gal, ‘coz I’m watching tonight,” Gunn said. He was going to grab the remote control when Wesley’s smaller but determined form hindered his way. “Dog, don’t make me move you,” he said threateningly.
Wesley snorted, not the least bit threatened. “Heard that line before, but this time it won’t work. Besides, I’m going to watch tonight.”
“And what are you going to watch, huh? Ex-Watcher’s Chronicles?” Cordelia taunted him.
Wesley glared at her, his stand unchanging. “No. I’m going to watch a series on Discovery Channel, because it features-“
“I’m sure it features somethin’ interesting and all, but you see, you ain’t getting the chance to watch it, coz I’d be hoggin’ all the watchin’,” Gunn said smugly. “And believe me, that TV’s not going to pass that channel.”
“Fat chance, Mr. Oh-look-at-me-I’m-all-tall-and-mighty,” Cordelia said. “It’s Calvin Klein’s Fall Collection 2000 on the Lifestyle Channel. There’s no way I would miss that. Besides, what are you going to watch? Naked girls dancing on the beach?”
Gunn glared at her. “I don’t dig naked girls, okay? I’m watchin’ Baywatch Hawaii.”
Cordelia stifled her laughter. “Like I said, naked girls on the beach.”
“At least, it’s still better than watching some dumb ol’ science project with brains here,” Gunn said, referring to Wesley. “I’m sure whatever it is, is as exciting as a bedtime story.”
He straightened his glasses. “It’s not dumb, it’s not old, it’s not even a science project. It’s about the-“
“Don’t bother explaining your boring show, Wes, because I’m going to watch tonight!” Cordelia practically screamed.
“No way! I am!” yelled Wesley.
“No way, I am!” shouted Gunn.
"Okay, what is going on?”
Three heads whipped around at the sound of the newest voice.
"Angel!” Cordelia exclaimed, rushing to the vampire’s side. The two did not miss that satisfied look that appeared on her face as she stood beside Angel, and it worried them. “Tell these two boys whose turn it is to watch TV tonight. Tell them. Why are you not telling them? Don't just stand there, tell them!"
“Um-“
“You can’t be serious, man!” Gunn said loudly, because he sensed that Angel was going to take Cordelia's side - as usual. “It’s Baywatch Hawaii! Lotsa’ cool chicks running on the beach half-naked!”
“I thought you don’t dig naked girls, Gunn?” Wesley asked.
“Shut up!” Gunn snarled.
“Angel,” Wesley reasoned, completely ignoring Gunn beside him. “For once, Discovery Channel is showcasing some of the most important artifacts from Medieval times. It’s the show I’ve been waiting for all my life!”
“Ah-“
“Even more important than Ex-Watchers Chronicle?” Cordelia asked.
“Shut up!” Wesley snarled.
“Angel,” Cordelia said, as she faced him and used her sweetest voice to plead her case. “It’s Calvin Klein’s Fall Collection 2000. It’s, like, the most important wardrobe of the year. It’s like the most important show since clothes were invented! If I can’t wear the clothes, then watching them on TV would have compensated for that!”
“Wait-“
“It’s just a bunch of half-naked models walking around,” Gunn commented. Then, he regarded his words carefully. “Cool. Let’s watch that.“
“Shut up!” Cordelia snarled.
Gunn looked taken aback. “I was supportin’ you, girl!”
“Oh, you were? Sorry,” Cordelia told him.
He shook his head. “No, you already said it. I don’t side with anyone who’s just told me to shut up.”
“Look, I-“
“Okay, everyone, just calm down-“ Angel said in a soothing voice, but Wesley cut him off before he could say more.
“CALM DOWN? The show starts in five minutes! Who calms down five minutes before the most important show in history?”
"Maybe we could work it out-“ Angel tried again, only this time he was stopped by Gunn.
“Yeah, work it out with these two women while I watch NAKED CHICKS!”
“There has to be a way-“
“Way? I’ll show you two the way. I’ll show you two the way OUT so I can watch in peace!” shrieked Cordelia.
“JUST STOP IT!” Angel shouted. “STOP IT, ALL OF YOU!”
Abruptly, the three stopped, not because of fear but because they were startled by his loud, commanding voice.
“Listen to yourselves! Three grown humans fighting over the television set?" Angel lectured them. “I can’t believe all of you have the nerve to act like children!"
Wesley, Gunn and Cordelia each threw a look at the others before lowering their heads in embarrassment.
“Don’t be so melodramatic, Angel,” Cordelia started. When Angel glared at her, she looked away. “It’s just TV,” she said softly.
“My point exactly! It’s just TV! There are a lot of other people out there who have bigger problems than you three have right now!” Angel continued with his rant. “There are a lot of other more important things in this world than… than… television shows! Like the mission. Helping the helpless. Isn't that what we do here? Isn't that what we're here for?”
Cordelia felt her face flame at Angel’s words. She continued to be silent, and stared at the floor.
Wesley could not meet Angel's gaze, and instead listened to his every word.
Gunn shoved his hands inside the pockets of his jeans and shrugged, then joined Cordelia in staring at the floor.
“Now, I want you to go to the lobby and research about the latest demon sighting,” Angel told them. When nobody moved, he added with heavy emphasis, “NOW.”
Moving as one, Wesley, Gunn and Cordelia silently walked out of the room, and down to the lobby without as much as a backward glance.
“Well,” Cordelia said, trying to lighten the mood. “There’s always DVD. I mean, we could just watch it on tape, right?”
“I-I think Medieval Artifacts is indeed available on tape,” Wesley added. “I will probably buy it tomorrow.” He brightened up. “Maybe if the Fall Collection is available, I’ll buy that too.”
“Great!” Cordelia said, giving him a small smile. “Now we could, you know, watch it individually and not fight over TV, coz, you know, Angel’s right and all.”
“I must admit it was rather foolish of us,” Wesley told them. “To fight over the television set like that. It’s… it’s…”
“But what about my Baywatch Hawaii?” Gunn wailed. “I still want to watch it, ya’ know.”
“Oh, I’ll buy you some porn,” Wesley muttered, smiling slyly at Gunn.
The latter glared at him. “I DON’T DIG PORN!”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
Meanwhile, back in the room Angel settled on the couch and turned on the TV, setting it on lowest volume so that no one but him could hear the sounds. Vampiric hearing; one's gotta love having them.
“All right!” he cheered quietly. “Just in time for Gilmore Girls.”
The End
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